When it comes to sleep training, very often the burden of completing the training comes down to the mother. Mothers frequently get burnt out during the sleep training process, so they reach out on the internet to find extra support.
It’s very difficult to complete infant sleep training without sticking to a solid, regular schedule. Even with a plan, parents need some kind of external support they can look to for answers and advice. The lack of a consistent sleep schedule for children can wreak havoc on mothers who don’t get enough sleep and who get burnt out.
How to Get Dad On Board
Many mothers are either full-time caretakers or are part-time caretakers and have a side job. Whatever the situation, often childcare comes fully down to the mother and she handles the majority of the work. Since dads often control the finances of the home, mothers will need to talk to their husbands about large financial purchases.
However, many dads don’t see the benefit of sleep training and do not think it is worthwhile. They might reason that it’s the mom’s problem to figure out because she is the primary caretaker or they have trouble empathizing because they are not directly experiencing the brunt of the emotional labor. They could also just not trust the particular program that the mother has picked.
There are different ways to handle these different issues. If the dad just thinks that the mom needs to solve the issue on her own, one helpful avenue might be a conversation about the kinds of strategies the mom has already used. It’s important that these conversations are non-combative as anger and yelling won’t get you anywhere. Basically, mom needs to make a clear presentation about what the problem is, what solutions she has already tried, and how a sleep training course could help alleviate the problems.
If the problem is a lack of empathy (“It doesn’t directly affect me!”) then it might be time to push back a bit. Make clear how much of a physical and emotional toll taking full-time care of your child has. It might also be a good time to assert some boundaries. For example, splitting child care up between nights of the week. Sure, dad might get upset, but that’s ok. Making him experience the kind of sleep issues that you are experiencing might open his eyes and generate some empathy for your situation.
If dad just does not trust the program that mom picks, the mom should show him the merits of the program. They should emphasize the successes and accomplishments of people who have to use the program and list all of the reasons they think the program could help solve their child’s sleep problems. Moms need to advocate for themselves, regardless of if dad feels like he is entitled to make all financial decisions because he makes the money. It’s a tricky line to walk; advocating for yourself while also maintaining a non-confrontational atmosphere but it can be done.
Ultimately it comes down to presenting the problem and solution in a concise and respectful way. Ideally, it would be better if all dads already understood the costs of motherhood but many do not. In those situations, moms need to advocate for themselves and the health of their babies. It’s ok to fight for your own wellbeing and the wellbeing of your child.
If you want to learn more about sleep training and our sleep philosophy, contact us at louise@petitedreamers.com or call at +659-828-6264.