You’ve made the brave decision to work on your baby’s sleep, but now the crying seems louder, longer, and harder than ever. You’re second-guessing yourself. Are you doing the right thing? Has something gone wrong?
Take a deep breath. What you’re experiencing is something completely normal. And believe it or not, it’s often a sign that your baby is learning a new skill. It’s called an extinction burst.
Let’s unpack what that means, and why it shows up right when you least expect it.
What is an extinction burst? (in parent-speak)
The term extinction burst comes from behavioural psychology. It refers to a short-term increase in a behaviour when a reward (or reinforcement) is suddenly taken away.
In sleep terms, that reward might be being rocked to sleep, fed to sleep, or having a dummy in their mouth all night long. When you gently remove that sleep association and start encouraging your baby to fall asleep independently, their immediate response is usually to protest louder.
It’s their way of saying, “Hey, what happened to our usual routine?”
As the American Psychological Association explains, this spike in behaviour is expected when a previously reinforced habit is interrupted (APA Dictionary of Psychology).
And here’s the key. It’s a sign that the old pattern is starting to fade.
Why does crying increase before sleep improves?
When we change a habit, even as adults, we tend to resist it at first. Think about your own life. If you decide to stop your nightly scroll on Instagram before bed, your brain will likely rebel a little. You’ll reach for your phone without thinking or feel unsettled as you lie in the dark.
Your baby is no different. Their brain has been wired to expect one thing (say, nursing to sleep), and now it’s being asked to learn something new. That confusion, frustration, or increased protest is completely normal. In fact, it’s part of how learning happens.
Extinction bursts often occur around night two or three of sleep training. They don’t mean you’re doing it wrong. They are often a sign you’re doing it right.
Why consistency is everything
Here’s where things can get tricky. When crying increases, many parents worry they’ve made a mistake and revert to old habits — rocking, nursing, or popping the dummy back in.
But here’s the problem. If you do this during an extinction burst, you’re not soothing your baby. You’re reinforcing the protest. You’re unintentionally teaching them, “If I cry loud enough or long enough, the old routine comes back.”
This is well documented in behavioural studies, including those published in Child Development and the Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, where intermittent reinforcement was shown to actually strengthen the behaviour you’re trying to reduce (Iwata et al., 1994).
In plain speak, it’s much harder to teach a new skill when the rules keep changing.
That’s why consistency, especially during the extinction burst, is absolutely key.
How to support your baby (and yourself) through it
You don’t have to be harsh or distant during this phase. At Petite Dreamers, we believe in a respectful, responsive approach that honours your baby’s emotional needs while still creating healthy boundaries around sleep.
Here’s how you can stay strong and compassionate:
- Be present, but consistent. Offer comfort in ways that don’t reintroduce the old sleep crutch.
- Lean on your partner or support system. You’re not supposed to do this alone.
- Take breaks when needed. If you’re too overwhelmed, step out of the room briefly and come back grounded.
- Remember, your baby isn’t crying at you. They’re expressing confusion. You are allowed to hold space for both their tears and their growth.
Working with a certified sleep coach can also help you recognise the difference between an extinction burst and something else that may need adjustment, such as wake windows, feeding needs, or illness.
Final thought: it’s temporary. The results are not.
If you’re in the thick of sleep training and the crying feels worse before it gets better, please know this. It is not forever.
The extinction burst is a short-lived but meaningful phase. With calm, consistent guidance, your baby will come out the other side more rested and more capable. And so will you.
You are not causing harm. You are teaching a skill that will serve your child for years to come.
So stay the course, trust your instincts, and know this. The best sleep of your parenting life might be just around the corner.
Need extra support?
If you’re unsure whether your little one is experiencing an extinction burst or something else entirely, our team of certified Sleep Guardians at Petite Dreamers is here to help. Petite Dreamers has helped over 2,000 families across Singapore and Southeast Asia go from sleep-deprived to thriving.
Book your free 20-minute Discovery Call today and let’s bring some calm back to your nights.